Friday, January 2, 2009

Our wish

I've decided not to blog about our infertility issues in the past for a variety of reasons. Deciding when and if to have children is such a huge yet private part of one's life. Becoming a mother is the one thing I want more than anything in my life. We've been trying for a good 3-4 years now. Not being able to get pregnant sometimes makes me feel scared, sad, envious, confused, frustrated, and angry (in not particular order). Most days are OK and I am quite optimistic that I WILL get pregnant. Some days are harder. Baby showers, seeing babies at church, seeing parents taking a walk with a stroller, when 1st time parents bring in their newborn for a weight check at our office and are fumbling with the carrier and trying to undress their new baby giggling with each other at how they don't know what they're doing (they're so lucky), hearing "guess who else is pregnant?", or even Johnson & Johnson commercials can be tough sometimes. I hope people don't read this and feel like that have to "walk on eggshells" when they are around me and it comes to baby talk. I genuinely am happy for all of the new moms out there and want them to share with me...but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't sting a litter. Watching the birth of both my nieces and seeing how much happiness they bring has actually made my urge to become a mom even stronger. In a way I feel like they give me just a slice of the sweetness of what it feels like to be a mom. So....I will try to keep you updated as to how our baby making progress is going (without giving too many details...:) We took one step closer to parenthood today when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy done at Holland Hospital.

Me trying to relax before the procedure. No "happy juice" yet either!
Keith was excited about the cool leg massagers I got to wear. He asked to take them home.
OK so this one is a little embarrassing. Apparently I was really cold and shaking in recovery so the nurse wrapped a warm blanket around my head ( I don't remember this). Thanks Keith for taking the picture.

I feel like the procedre went really well! She found significant endometriosis behind my uterus and on my right ovary. She was able to remove 85% of it which is good. Since we have had just about ever other test done, the endometriosis could vert well have been the cause of our infertility. Beside feeling a little groogy (and cold) I felt pretty darn good after the surgery. I was SO worried about feeling sick and throwing up but I didn't feel queasy at all. I did have some lower abdominal pain and also some pain under my ribs and in my shoulders from the gas they pumped into me but a little Ibuprofen pretty much takes care of that. I'm thankful to have this surgery out of the way and excited about the possibilities it will bring :) Thanks to all for the food, gifts, and especially prayers!

11 comments:

VandenBerg Family said...

Good job with the pictures Keith :)

Carol Sue said...

Thinking and praying for our gal....

JJ&MK said...

We're praying this does the trick! Glad you didn't get sick and love the picture of the warm blanket on your head :)

Carol Sue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jeanh said...

Brenda - Bless your heart for sharing such personal thoughts with us. You know we love you, and we hope your dream to become a mom happens very soon!

(This is Aunt Jean; I removed the last comment because I had been signed in as "Aunt Carol.")

megalin0 said...

You WILL be a mom Brenda..hoping this does the trick and glad you're not too sore! Thanks for keeping us updated! You are ALWAYS in our thoughts!:)

VandenBerg Family said...

Love the new layout...FANCY!

Em said...

You will make such an awesome mom when it happens! I pray for you every day. I am glad you feel ok after the procedure.

Kates said...

Brenda, I don't know if you remember me but I graduated with Jenny. My husband and I are having exactly the same feelings and struggles as you and Keith. You are both in my thoughts. Hopefully we will both have good new to share in 2009. Kate (Vanden Berg) Stormes

Lana Baker said...

I'm pulling for you, sweetie! I hope there will soon be a little one in your future. God Bless you! I met the neatest girl Friday at work who has a blog and has gone through this experience as well. I'm going to call her Monday and see if we can get her blogspot. I bet she has a lot of great insight too. She's pregnant with twins by the way! Also, one of my other clients went through fertility treatment and is now pregnant with her second...and I do maternity massages...and for you, the first one's on me, k? Keep the chin up.
Hugs!

missy widener said...

I think I will hear good news from you this year, I mean I KNOW it. I am glad you had the surgery and it went well...and your site looks sweet as well! everybody is all fabulous with their pages, love it! take care you!